The Science Behind Instant Friendships
If you’ve ever “clicked” with someone, you’re no stranger to the experience of meeting a new human and feeling an inexplicable bond after just a few short conversations. But, what forms an instant connection? Based off of experience we’ve had and some reading we’ve done, we’ve boiled down the the “click” to a few specific contributing factors.
Shared Identity + Experience
Connections often happen because of a shared identity or experience. Sometimes, they form when people stand on common ground. They care about an issue or are involved in the same organization or programming, for example. In community engagement programming, a typical trend is that folks find quick companions through laughter—together as a pair, or within a group.
Common Myths
Experiencing this phenomenon is easier for people who are outgoing, or you have to share values or beliefs in order to create an instantaneous bond. Truthfully, neither of these could hurt, but they’re definitely not essential. What is essential is entering into new conversations feeling worthy of building new, strong relationships—with the desire to be authentic, honest, and vulnerable. And, of course, to be open to and encouraging of reciprocity from your new companion.
Finding Friends Through Community Engagement
You probably already realized that community engagement programs are a quintessential place to make fast friends. Though we can’t explain the exact science behind this seemingly magical occurrence, we can speculate it’s because participants are entering into the experience with the intent of building new relationships, engaging in challenging conversations, and being open to humility and learning. With this awareness, we can consider (as executive board members, site leaders, or participants) how to either facilitate or partake in relationship building like this.
There’s a chance that you’ve made one or two of these connections unexpectedly. But if you enter into new spaces ready to exemplify the factors that help build immediate relationships, you may be surprised to find that the next “click” is likely the next hand you shake.
